Dear diary,

I have come to realise that I am clearly paranoid. I take for granted the things around me and fear that which I do not already know.

Lately things have been a little up in the air, deep down inside me. Most times I have no idea what I am feeling which leaves my relationship with my fiance a tad shakey at times. It upsets me that I cannot trust him with my whole being, no matter what happens or could happen in the future.

Being one who would rather look forward into the future instead of backward into the past, it seems stupid to say that I am paranoid, although the paranoia is because of what could happen in times to come.

I recently discovered that my sister and fiance are still texting each other as if they were the couple. It upset me a great deal, though I made a desision there and then to believe in my fiance and trust that what has happened in the past, stays in the past.

..i'm scared though, diary. What if they still do love each other? What if I can never fully trust him, or her?

I'm getting married. It's a huge step and it scares me to the bones. Deep inside I feel this impending sense of doom which looks to be so huge that it will suffocate me at any given moment. There is also a tiny spark which, despite the darkness, keeps burning brightly. This is my hope.. Hope that there is nothing to worry about for my future will be just fine. Hope is for dreamers, so let me dream, dear diary.. Let me dream..

I'm adicted.. and I know it. I want to stop, but my body won't listen when I hand out that money for my next hit. It's killing me slowly. I know it is. Paranoia comes in many forms.

Hold me,
Caress me,
Set your arms around me.
Love me,
Hate me,
Never let go of me.

Accept me for who I am,
Know that I will fail at times,
Give me a reason to trust..
To trust..
You.

D-Law